I\u2019m writing you this letter to tell you that I\u2019m leaving you forever. I\u2019ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. \u2026 Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn\u2019t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t tell me you love me anymore; you don\u2019t want $ex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you\u2019re cheating on me or you don\u2019t love me anymore; whatever the case, I\u2019m gone.
Your EX-Husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n
P.S. don\u2019t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dear Ex-Husband,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It\u2019s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you\u2019ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn\u2019t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was \u2018You look just like a girl!\u2019 Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can\u2019t say something nice, I didn\u2019t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won\u2019t get a dime from me. So take care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
P.S. I don\u2019t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that\u2019s not a problem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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